Coconuts in a can? Now that's nuts!

In my fight to beat my nerve condition, I lost 1 and a half years of my life being bedridden and subsequently recovering under my sister’s care in her house in Selayang.

Now that I am able to venture out on my own and drive around, I am amazed at the changes that have taken place in our fair city. It seems like we are constantly in a state of flux, what with new buildings and structures sprouting up seemingly overnight (Smart Tunnel, Jaya One, Pavilion, Bangsar Viillage 2, Jaya 33, Sunway Pyramid 2) and road configurations being changed constantly.

While I can catch up with these new developments, I think it’s a sign that I must be getting old and senile when I have trouble understanding some of the new products I see on our supermarket shelves. I have been scolded by my dear sister for buying and bringing home “nonsensical items” that fascinate me.

I am a kampung boy at heart, having grown up in a small village called Batu Gajah (also Dato Lat’s childhood playground and source of his comic series) and can proudly name and identify many species of flora and fauna.

Therefore I find it rather strange that in a country where we are surrounded by coconut trees and one of life’s simple pleasures is to sip coconut water straight out of a freshly hacked young coconut, l came across cans of “coconut juice”

it wouldn't be Dave's blog if there was no picture of a Chinawimmen now would it?

This raised a couple of questions in my mind – what is coconut juice? Is the whole coconut pulverized into juice, shell, husk and all? Or is it actually the coconut water of my childhood? We are a tropical country for heaven’s sake - why can it? That’s like going to Paris and eating Foie Gras out of a jar.

Can you imagine our “Malaysia Truly Asia” ads showing tourists sipping “coconut juice” out of a can?

In the same vein we are now paying astronomical sums of moolah, (up to RM150) for Mangosteen pulp juice sold in bottles. Yes, it’s touted as a health tonic with miraculous benefits, but it is still a local product. What gives? Of course in keeping with our new urbanized disposable lifestyles it’s available in cans as well.

Now, to make matters even more confounded, where they're supposed to be calling it water they are calling it juice and when it comes to skyjuice, they're calling it fruit! What the hell is a skyfruit? Somebody help!!!

Sheesh! Coconut, Mangosteen and sky juice in a can. It’s like having sex with your clothes on…

Oh! Speaking of sex, I came across these as well:

Virgin condoms RM11.80 (3 pcs) for the ribbed and dotted varieties and RM9.80 (3 pcs) for the plain ones. Apparently Manjakani is an ancient Egyptian potion, allegedly a lubricant for women to tighten up their vaginas.

Again my mind went into hyperdrive. Is the condom only for virgins? In that case why is it sold in pack of threes? Shouldn’t it be packed in singles? Then again if you’re a virgin, how would you decide if you wanted a “ribbed” or “dotted” or “plain” experience as you were still inexperienced? Also, why would a woman want to tighten up her vagina after only her first experience?

Or are these condoms meant for serial de-virginisers?